Is it possible for males and females to live without MARRIAGE?
75Cultural or Rational Marriage ?
There are two sets of reasons that make people getting married... or not. The first set, which I designate as "Cultural" relate to how people are grown up, what they beleive in and so on.
The second set or reasons, which I call "Rational", has more to do with legal and financial factors.
When the time comes for the big decision, each couple has to find its own balance, and this is not always easy...
The Cultural Marriage Factors
The major cultural factors is obviously religion. Living with someone and having sex outside marriage is a fault and many get married because of it. No judgement from me here, it is simply a fact.
Familly influence is also important. If parents tell their childs that one must get married, they will. While raising a child, some concepts are burried so deep that they don't even question them later on.
Finally each one has a personal view on the important of marriage, and wants to satisfy it.
Strictly speaking none of these factors make marriage a must, in that sense that they won't prevent happiness and balance in the couple, as long as the community (familly, church, friends) accept it.
Rational Factors Affecting Marriage
Many couples get married just before getting their first child, for simple legal reasons. It makes then no need for the father to legally "recognize" the child, and the proceeding in case of mother's death are much clearer.
Getting married also solves the heritage problems. Let's imagine a couple living together without being married, and one of them only has a job, providing money to both. Under certains country's law, if this one dies, all his / her possessions will go back to his / her parents, not to the other partner.
The same applies when it comes to getting a mortgage to buy a house. Most banks will consider married couples differently than a pair of single co-buyers, at least in Europe.
The legal / financial thing that prevent many couples to get married is the tax system. I don't know about the whole world, but in Switzerland married couples are much more heavily taxed than singles ! Because of that many get married only when the first child comes...
Please give any feed-back about these factors in comments !
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All In All
I tried to list all factors that can lead to getting married or not. I do not want to discuss moral aspects, because this would be judging other people's personal values, and I don't want to enter this.
We all have to find our way, and our convictions are precisely that: ours.
I respect people who get married for religious as much as I respect those that do not get married for financial or legal factors, and vice-versa. As long as the decision satisfies both partners, there is nothing more to say. Respect it.
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Mark, if you say marriages are social necessity to establish families, it means you assume families themselves are social necessity. The human specie can continue to grow without family... ;-)
Its not just the continuity of human specie but also how it moves on. I mean family is the only way to have better human beings.
I don't think that marriage is necessarily important for social reasons or having better human beings. People can be couples and in meaningful relationships and have children together, but not want to get married. This does not necessarily mean that the children will not be better humans because their parents were not married. It just means their parent's chose not to get married, but they still live together, support each other, and love each other.
Whitney05, you're right. What is important is to raise our children in love, and to protect them. Being married or not does not really matter for that. To push it a step farther, I'll say that from my point of view the question of single parenting or gay / lesbian couples raising kids is exactly the same.
It's certainly better for a child to grow-up by a happy and loving gay / lesbian couple than by a sad and non-caring straight couple.
Ok, I opened the door, now "good thinking" persons can fire back.
What I can't understand is if they want to live together and live happily then why can't they marry. When there's no wedlock people tend to cheat on their spouses and families fall apart quite easily.
greathub- this is not necessarily the case. Not every person in a longterm relationship with kids and no marriage cheats on the other person. Maybe in some of these cases, but definately not all. I think those people who choose to live with a longterm partner, have kids, etc, just not marry, are those who feel that it is not necessary to get married. It may be better tax wise to not be married, or something. I don't know. But, it's just a personal choice. You can't possibly say that when there's no wedlock there's a higher risk of cheating because these people go into it knowing they love the other person but would rather not be married.
Well I am divorced from my one and only husband..which I had 3 children with ( he got into drugs and I wouldn't ) hence the divorce for the sake of my children. Then I met a younger man and we began our 33 year relationship...un-married. Why? well he did ask me..but under certain conditions..so we never tied the knot.Neither of us wanted more children and tax wise it worked out great. The children grew to love him and trust him as did the grandchildren...but then one day ( a year and a half ago ) he decided I got old (not him tho) and took up with a younger woman. Let me tell you tho it is as if we are married as far as the house goes...the cars...anything both names are on, or not. 1/2 & 1/2 period, in this state. so tell me what the difference really is? Unless you become parents.? G-Ma :o) hugs
Good input, G-ma. In my psychology classes, they said that marriages may end up even worse if you lived together beforehand because your expectations are higher and the marriage has more of a chance of falling apart. Weird, but it makes sense.
"Living with someone and having sex outside marriage is a fault and many get married because of it. No judgement from me here, it is simply a fact."
Fact? This statement cannot be made without judgement, or a holy scripture (full of judgement). Please do show us the data for this fault in male/woman live in, sexual relationships. Given that you (Rod) have felt the need to add relevant caveat before the baseless 'fact' is an indication of your judgement. Sounds loaded with Bias and contempt now that I read that back, it's mostly not though. Mostly.
The meaning of marriage has been largely lost in the modern age of materialism. We could argue that it has been western thinking moving away from religious pillars but I'd wager that it is the commercialisation of marriage and especially divorce; the plastification of our ideals on what we 'should' look like; the rise of ultra self importance and general greed of our consumer world.
We are no longer marrying for our security with the inevitability of family, a comfortable and wealthy western world has rid us of trivial needs and replaced them with wants. Further more, We marry because we a trained to from birth. Society expects it and people will look at you with a strange look of confusion or derision if you don't dance the same dance (or intend to when you 'find the right one'). Why is this? Programming. That is all.
To go back to the first the rhetorical question and answer it (wow three years), yes: All we need is the air that we breath..
Prince Maak 4 years ago
Hello Rod, you`ve written very well. I would like say that marriages are social necessity because through marriage, families are established.