How Do You Get Over A Loved One's Death

The request about getting over a loved one's death is probably the more sensitive I've answered until now and will probably remain on top of the list for a while...

Loosing someone you love probably the tougher thing that could happen in life, and we all have to cope with that a couple of times when family members, good friends or lovers pass away.

However it is not because life is sometimes hard that you must resign, or start to hate it. LIke it or not, but life always go on even after disasters that seem to break your Universe down.

The three pillars I can humbly propose to keep your life going after losing a loved one are not to hide your pain, not fighting against this death, and don't forget the one you lost.

Don't Hide

Suffering in such a situation is simply NORMAL. No true friend will ever blame you because you're sad, out of your mind, discouraged, or simply crying.

Trying to hide your pain will only result in keeping it in you endlessly, and it will pop-up again and again, particularly in bad times. The process of getting over your loved one's death is all about that: getting your pain out of you.

Don't Fight

When one suffers of having lost someone, the temptation to fight is great. Fighting against yourself because of what you did or did not, fighting against persons around you which are not always good in providing the support you expect, or even being angry against the one you lost.

All these things can be normal for a short while, but not on longer term. They will simply make the situation more painful for everybody. Death is not something you can undo, so by the end of the day you'll have to accept it. None of your fights can change anything to that.

Don't Forget

An easy way out is to forget all about the person you lost. But remember my motto: "easy things are not fun". Forgetting is somehow like hiding. You can't really do that, memories will always pop-out here and there, and most of time it won't be pelasant.

Moreover, how fair do you think it is regarding other friends, family members and relatives of the one missing ? How would they react when seeing you trying to forget ?

And what do you thing he / or she would ultimately think of this attitude ? Simply erasing someone you loved from your memory ? No way !

This sounds so true to me...

I have a quite remarkable memory, I can recall some events to the detail - this gift of Nature is often useful, but also hard to live with when it comes to the sad days of my life.

Learning to live with sad memories is all what getting over is about. It is a long process and it takes time. Fighting against it makes it longer, and there is not a lot we can do to make it quicker.

If you're not the one directly affected by someone's death, the only thing you can do is show your sympathy, and be available for more.

When you try to say words of wisdom, keep it simple. Intention is more important than words, but words can make it worse.

The best support you can offer is to be there, ready to listen, at any time of day. Don't try to force the other one to speak, it has to come naturally...